Kiran Athar
It’s no secret that we all want to be liked, but sometimes our personalities can be a little bit offputting to those around us!
Sometimes we’re aware we’re annoying others, other times we’re completely oblivious.
So, in this article, I’m going to share 10 annoying personality traits that demolish your likability, and how to turn them around so they no longer negatively affect your relationships!
Let’s dive in:
1) Being self-centered
I know that we all like to talk about ourselves, our problems, and our successes, but if you’re completely self-centered this can be highly annoying for the people around you!
Even close friends and family have their limits; these relationships still require “give and take”.
What do I mean by that?
It’s not fair to hog the conversation or always be the center of attention. You have to share the limelight. If not, people will start to feel like you have no interest in them, and this will quickly demolish your likability!
To overcome being self-centered, I suggest practicing empathy and keeping a mental check on how long you speak about yourself during a conversation.
It can also help to pay attention to other people’s body language; glazed eyes and stifled yawns are a good indication you need to pass on the mic!
2) Being indecisive
Now, next up on annoying personality traits that demolish your likability is being indecisive.
Are you the type who can’t make up your mind over the smallest of things? Does choosing between two different types of juice cause your mind to spin out of control?
If so, I hate to break it to you, but people find this highly unappealing!
That’s because it displays a lack of confidence; people don’t know whether they can trust your judgment if you struggle to decide on the smallest of decisions.
I know this isn’t something you do on purpose, but it is something you can improve by doing the following:
- Be clear about your goals and stick to them, the same goes for your morals and values.
- Recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes, some decisions will fail but you’ll learn important lessons from them.
- Practice making small decisions before working your way up to bigger ones.
- Weigh up the pros and cons of the consequences beforehand to help you make a more informed decision.
- Trust your gut, it’s important to be in tune with what your body tells you about a decision.
- Push yourself out of your comfort zone to build confidence.
Now, it’s not only being indecisive that stops people from trusting you and thus demolishing your likability, our next point is also very offputting:
3) Being unreliable
Life is busy. We’ve all got things to get on with. But when you tell someone you’ll do something for them and then bail at the last minute, it’s a surefire way to demolish your likability.
This goes back to breaking the bond of trust.
A friend is relying on you and they trust that you’ll keep your word. So when you break it, not only does it let them down, but they start to doubt whether you can be trusted in the future.
Not only that, but it also sends a clear message; you don’t prioritize them over whatever else you have going on!
So, if you do struggle to fit everything into your busy schedule, it’s better to politely tell people you can’t help out rather than let them down.
And when you do take on a commitment, stick to it! Take pride in honoring your commitments and showing up for your loved ones.
4) Being passive-aggressive
Are you the sarcastic type?
Do you prefer to beat around the bush or give the silent treatment rather than address an issue?
If so, you could be passive-aggressive when faced with conflict.
We all lash out in different ways, and to be honest, none of us handle fallouts or arguments “perfectly”.
But with that being said, being passive-aggressive can especially demolish your likability for one main reason:
People don’t know where they stand with you.
Rather than being assertive and communicating in a non-aggressive way, by giving the cold shoulder or making snide remarks, you leave people feeling confused and hurt.
Simply put:
They’re never too sure what the real issue is, therefore it’s harder for them to fix it!
So, the next time you feel like ignoring someone who has annoyed you, or making sarcastic comments, try to be upfront about the situation. Find a calm, quiet environment and gently explain what it is that’s bothering you.
I promise you’ll find a resolution much quicker, and people will like you more as a result!
5) Being overly critical
Now, just as being passive-aggressive can confuse and hurt people, being overly critical can also put you in people’s bad books!
I’m going to level with you – I know sometimes people can be well-meaning when they offer criticism. Sometimes, you do it out of love and because you want the best for someone.
But the truth is unless people ask for your opinion, anything negative should generally be kept to yourself. If you MUST criticize, at least find a compassionate and non-judgmental way to do it.
For example, instead of saying:
“You always interrupt people during meetings. It’s rude!” (This is a criticism).
You could say:
“I noticed you interrupted a few people during the meeting. This might make them feel like you aren’t valuing their input. In the future, it’d be great if you could let them finish before sharing your own ideas, that way everyone feels valued.”
This is constructive feedback – you’re highlighting the issue, but also offering guidance to the person to help them improve, without shaming them or making them feel bad.
And talking of feeling bad…
6) Being overly negative
Look, no one likes Debbie Downer. No one wants to hang out with Moody Margaret or Pessimistic Paul.
If you’re overly negative, there’s a very good chance that this trait will demolish your likability!
Now, it may be that you don’t realize you’re doing it, but if you’re the one to constantly look for the problem or criticize or judge, it might be time to dig a little deeper into why.
Maybe you’re unhappy with your lifestyle or career, or maybe you’ve simply gotten into a bad habit of being pessimistic and negative.
Either way, if you want to be more likable, it’s well worth learning to look on the bright side of life!
Work through whatever issues are causing you to be so negative, and you’ll see how people start to gravitate toward you (not to mention, how much better you’ll feel by adopting a positive mindset!).
7) Being closed-minded
As well as adopting a positive mindset, it’s also useful to start taking on an open-minded approach to things rather than being rigid or closed off!
So, why does being closed-minded make you less likable?
The truth is, if you’re set in your ways and resist trying new things or hearing new opinions, it can be very frustrating and offputting to the people around you.
They might feel like they can’t connect with you or that they’re unable to share their thoughts and ideas with you. In addition to this, it can make you come across as cold or unempathetic if you’re unwilling to consider different viewpoints.
So, how can you foster an open mindset?
- Get curious. Start asking questions and learning new things.
- Challenge your assumptions. Don’t assume you know everything, there may be other viewpoints that make more sense, but you need to seek them out.
- Embrace uncertainty. Closed-minded individuals are less likely to push themselves out of their comfort zone. Do one small thing every day that challenges you.
- Diversify your friendship group. It’s great to have the same friends for 20 years, but making new ones will open your eyes to different experiences, personalities, and ideas.
Finally, even more than gaining likability, adopting an open mindset will be highly beneficial in your own personal development and growth!
8) Being a chatterbox
Next up on our annoying personality traits that demolish your likability:
Non-stop-yapping!
Now, this is one point many of us can relate to. We’ve just go so much to say and not enough time to say it all!
But unfortunately, this is another trait that doesn’t always go down well, for a few reasons:
- If you dominate all the conversations, you may appear inconsiderate toward others.
- It can also make you seem self-centered (refer back to point 1 in the list).
- It shows a lack of ability to listen, which can make others feel like you don’t care about what they have to say.
- In some cases, you may come across as an attention seeker who wants all the limelight
So, whilst it’s good to be chatty and sociable, know when to reel it in and give others a chance!
And certainly don’t make the mistake I’m about to highlight in this next point:
9) Being a serial interrupter
If you’re a chatterbox, there’s a good probability you’re also a serial interrupter.
I feel your pain as I too have been guilty of this.
It might not even be that you’re intentionally being rude or attention-seeking, but you’re just excited about the flow of the conversation and can’t wait to share your thoughts.
Here’s the thing though:
It can massively make the other person feel unheard and undervalued.
I didn’t realize this until someone else started interrupting me. Then I experienced firsthand how annoying it is!
So, next time you draw in a breath, ready to launch into speech, stop, wait, and allow the other person to finish talking first.
Even better – practice active listening so you’re 100% tuned in and paying attention before formulating your response. Check out this guide to learn more about active listening.
10) Being defensive
And finally, being defensive comes in at number 10 of our annoying personality traits that demolish your likability!
Why?
Mainly because it shows a lack of maturity and an unwillingness to accept feedback and personal growth!
That’s right, if you’re quick to come up with excuses or outright reject people’s feedback about you, you could be isolating yourself from making friends (or keeping them!).
The truth is, people will find it hard to communicate with you or share their opinions. They might resent you or find it frustrating trying to get through to you.
But the good news is there’s a solution:
- Find out what your triggers (or insecurities) are and work on them
- Try not to take everything so personally
- Take the attitude that most people don’t say things out of malice
- Be kind to yourself too
- Take a breather before responding (so you have time to cool down and not overreact).
As with everything on this list, it takes time to change a personality trait. And if it makes you feel better, pretty much everyone can relate to something on this list – none of us are perfect!
But I hope the advice I’ve shared with you will help you work on your annoying personality traits so that you become a likable, appreciated friend/colleague/family member to all!
